They told me in hospital that it's good to have goals to work towards, as a form of motivation to recovery. I kind of went "yeh yeh yeh, let me go home" and brushed them aside as I felt I had no shortage of motivation.
I think they meant physical achievement goals, like getting back to jogging, and playing the drums - but my favourite goals are about experiences. Like the fireworks night at Brockwell Park, originally my surgery date was the 2nd November - the same day as the firework display. Obviously there was no chance of me making it then, but even when the date was moved forward, it seemed unlikely. There was half a chance I would still be in hospital, and I wasn't sure what I would be able to cope with noise-wise... fireworks are loud.
But I made it! I was really proud of myself. I was determined to at least try, but walking to the bus stop totally wiped me out so I started to think perhaps I wouldn't last. When some scally started playing music out loud on the bus, we had to get off. Things weren't looking good.
In the end it was the thought of donuts that kept me going. We had a really good time and once we were there I was fine. It was good to be out doing things again, together, albeit in a slightly different (and more subdued) way.
I paid for it the next day though, I couldn't get out of bed. I was exhausted, beyond exhausted. I have never run a marathon but I imagine that's what it feels like the day after. I was bruised! But it was worth it - for the sense of achievement as well as the brilliant time we had.
So, it's all about balance once again - I should still do the things I really want to do, but be aware that I need to schedule in recovery time. And I may feel a bit rubbish afterwards.
Which leads me to tonight. Am so excited. Not least because I thought this would be something I was sure to miss, but given I came out so early it's back on... yey!
Jake, my brother-in-law, is playing at Shepherd's Bush Empire. It would have killed me to miss it, I pride myself on being a true fan and have seen Jake play all over - but this is massive, Shepherd's Bush Empire!
It's a brilliant goal for me to have. Firstly, obviously, I want to be there for the experience - it's something I really want to do. And secondly it's a goal that will make me feel like I'm part of the real world again, doing things that normal people do. Even being out and about will contribute to that. And I have the feeling that if I don't make it all the way through, it's the trying that counts. Being motivated to give it a go in the first place.
We're planning a military style operation to get there early and scope out where to sit. I am worried about noise mainly - crowd noise and background music in the run up to the acts. Worst case scenario I show the bouncers my frankenscar and ask if they can let us back in at the last minute. Gah am so excited.
Watch this space.
Actually watch this instead, hope he plays it tonight it's my favourite (after Freddie of course).